Last week, I realised I hadn’t spoken to another adult ‘in person’ for three days.
Come September, once the summer holidays are over, that’s not unusual for me. My boys are away at school during the week, my husband works in London for three days and it’s just me, my laptop, and the dogs. (They’re great company, but conversation isn’t really their strong point.)
As an introvert, I don’t need constant socialising. I’m not a big “social animal,” especially since I gave up drinking. My favourite place is being at home with the family and my social circle is by choice, small. But when a few days pass with nothing beyond work communication and dog walks, I feel it. My energy dips, my mood shifts, and suddenly even the smallest tasks feel heavier.
And I know I’m not the only one.
Why Connection Slips in Midlife
Midlife has a way of shrinking our social circles.
We get clearer on what we want and what we don’t. We stop saying yes out of obligation. We don’t get dragged to things we have zero interest in. Which is liberating, but it also means our social calendar thins out.
Add to that the logistics: kids leaving home, parents needing more support, partners travelling, working from home (hello, dining room table office) and it’s easy to find yourself unintentionally isolated, even if you’re not lonely in the obvious sense.
You might still have good friends, you just don’t see them as often. You might still feel busy, but not busy in ways that truly connect you.
What the Research Says
Studies are now showing just how powerful connection is for our health and longevity:
- The Harvard Study of Adult Development, running for more than 85 years, found that the strongest predictor of happiness and health at 80 wasn’t cholesterol or gym habits, it was the quality of relationships at 50.
https://www.6seconds.org/2025/07/28/harvard-grant-study/
- A meta-analysis of 148 studies showed that people with strong social ties have a 50% greater chance of survival than those without. The effect of social connection is as powerful as quitting smoking.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2910600/
- Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk of early death by up to 29%, and are linked to higher rates of depression, cardiovascular disease, and cognitive decline. https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/loneliness-is-hurting-our-health-but-these-policies-could-help/
Our social world literally shapes our biology.
Connection Looks Different in Midlife
Connection doesn’t have to mean a packed diary or forcing yourself into situations you don’t enjoy.
For some, it’s Friday night wine with the girls. For others, it’s a walking buddy, a book club, or volunteering.
For me, it’s about booking in semi-regular catch-ups with the friends who really get me. The ones where I always walk away lighter and brighter than when I arrived. It’s too easy to tell myself I’m too busy, but if I don’t put it in the diary, weeks slip by. Especially when the friends are fellow introverts, who also aren’t always the first to suggest plans.
The Power of Micro-Connections
What if meaningful connection didn’t even require booking dinner dates or signing up for group classes? Research shows that even tiny, everyday interactions, “micro‑connections” can lift our mood, ease our stress, and anchor our sense of belonging.
One study capturing older adults’ real-life experiences found that more frequent, pleasant in-person interactions, a quick chat with a neighbour, a smile from a passer‑by, predicted lower feelings of loneliness just a few hours later . These moments don’t need to be deep, just present.
Talking with strangers, too, isn’t as awkward as we fear. As explored in The Social Biome, even brief exchanges, asking a question in the coffee queue, or chatting with the postperson, can significantly improve well-being. The key is variety: balancing the close comfort of familiar friends with light, low-stakes niceties.
In essence, great health isn’t always built in major meet-ups. It’s often in the micro-moments. The barista’s smile, the neighbour’s wave, the unexpected “are you okay?” from someone who sees you. Connection doesn’t have to be grand to matter, it just has to happen.
The Bottom Line
The habits that keep us strong, fit and nourished are vital. But if we’re not paying attention to connection and purpose, we’re missing a cornerstone of longevity.
So this month, I’m reminding myself and maybe you should too, that connection doesn’t have to be big or loud. It just has to be intentional.
Pick one person. One scheduled catch up. One conversation.
Your future self will thank you.